Sharing custody means staying in contact with an ex, sometimes for years. Parents in San Juan Capistrano and across Orange County exchange messages about school, schedules, medical appointments, and pickups every week. But when a relationship is tense, those same interactions can lead to accusations of harassment or stalking. A parent who thinks they’re just trying to stay involved may suddenly be facing a restraining order request or a police investigation.
The short answer: contact that serves a legitimate co-parenting purpose, such as discussing the children or following a custody schedule, is generally not stalking. Contact can cross the line when it becomes a repeated pattern of following, monitoring, or harassing that serves no legitimate purpose and is paired with a credible threat that makes the other parent fear for their safety.
How California Defines Stalking
Under Penal Code § 646.9, stalking requires that a person willfully and maliciously follow or harass another person and make a credible threat intended to place that person in reasonable fear for their safety or the safety of their family.
Harassment, in this context, means a knowing and willful course of conduct directed at a specific person that seriously alarms, annoys, torments, or terrorizes them and serves no legitimate purpose. The law specifically excludes constitutionally protected activity from that definition.
That “no legitimate purpose” language is especially important in co-parenting situations.
What Usually Counts as Legitimate Co-Parenting Contact
Courts generally recognize that separated parents need to communicate. Contact like this is typically considered legitimate:
- Messages about the children’s health, school, activities, or needs
- Coordinating custody exchanges and schedule changes
- Attending school events, games, or appointments the parent is entitled to attend
- Following the terms of a custody order or parenting plan
When Contact Can Cross the Line
Problems often arise when contact goes beyond the children or becomes a pattern of control. Examples that may support stalking or harassment allegations include:
- Showing up at the other parent’s home or workplace outside of scheduled exchanges
- Tracking the other parent’s location through apps, devices, or the children’s phones
- Sending large volumes of messages about the relationship, a new partner, or personal matters
- Questioning the children to monitor the other parent
- Making threats, even in anger, about the other parent or their new partner
Restraining Orders and Criminal Charges
Many co-parenting disputes first show up in family court through a domestic violence restraining order request. California’s restraining order laws are broader than its criminal stalking law and include conduct that “disturbs the peace” of the other party. Learn more on our domestic violence defense page.
Criminal stalking is more serious. It can be charged as a misdemeanor or a felony, and if a restraining order is already in place, it carries a possible state prison sentence. A stalking conviction can also affect custody, firearm rights, and immigration status.
Possible Defenses
Because these cases often grow out of custody conflicts, context is critical. Defenses may include:
- The contact served a legitimate purpose related to the children
- There was no credible threat
- Messages were taken out of context or selectively presented
- The accusations were made to gain an advantage in a custody dispute
Keeping communication focused on the children, using written channels, and following custody orders closely can help protect a parent from allegations. Read more about how we defend these cases on our stalking defense page.
If you’re facing stalking or harassment accusations from a co-parent in San Juan Capistrano, Dana Point, San Clemente, or anywhere in Orange County, contact Law Office of Michael L. Fell at (949) 585-9055 for a confidential consultation.